Archive for August, 2008

Puerto Rican Guy Arrested in Chicago

The Puerto Rican was arrested again, for sabotaging the Labor Day Parade.

Chicago police arrested both the Puerto Rican and his bus, which broke down and ruined the entire event.

Puerto Rican sabotage

The Puerto Rican awaits sentencing in Studs Terkel County Correctional, where he refuses to shower and bakes cookies for Hung Fo Young.

Yo boo, where my cookies?

But Leo will not marry Fo Young.

Leo will escape.

He will be back on Monday, running for President of the United States.

Puerto Rican Guy.

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America’s Most Wanted

(Puerto Rican Prison Reform)

The prison industry is a big $100 billion-a-year business.

We have more prisoners than any nation on earth!

Every year, it cost almost as much as the war in Iraq.

The politician all two-face – they never do anything about anything.

Two-face politician

To me the answer is very simple. In fact, I have two of them.

Send all the Prisoners to Iraq.

Bingo! This will save us $100 billion a year. Our crime rate will drop 50% overnight. We will also become famous for having the most violent soldiers in the world.

Everyone will be afraid of us. 

  The non-violent soldiers who sold a nickel bag of coke (90% of the prisoners) can bring up the rear, and supply morphine when needed.

Arrest the Guy Already.

Haven’t you notice?

The same black guy is committing every crime in America.

Last night he rob a bank in Compton, sell coke in Miami, steal cows in Chicago and rape a New York Knicks cheerleader.

They show the mug shots on Fox News, and each time is the same guy!

Maybe they all look alike to Fox News…but if you ask me, just arrest this guy  and we can all go back to Leave it to Beaver.

Puerto Rican Guy.

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The Holiday Inn Retirement Plan

As your President Cojones, I will outlaw every nursing home in America.

Then I put every senior citizen in a Holiday Inn.

Here is why:

The average cost for a nursing home is $188 a day.
At a Holiday Inn, with a long-term stay discount and a senior discount, it’s $49.23 a night.

That leaves $138.77 a day for:

a) breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant you want, or

b) room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.

If that does not restore the romance in your marriage, then nothing will.

A second honeymoon for the gran culona

Plus they have a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer-dryer, etc.

Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

$5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

They treat you like a customer, not a patient!

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem.

They fix everything…and apologize for the inconvenience!

For a change of scenery take the airport shuttle bus, and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.

While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise your cash keep piling up.

Another reason to fly…you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.

Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.

Aloha, little girl!

The Inn has a night security guy and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok.

If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance.

If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now the party really begins.

Three men and a baby

To all you aging baby boomers:

Vote for Leo!

Because you were born to party…not die in a dirty nursing home.

Puerto Rican Guy.

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The New Cow Economy

Two days ago I talk about my racist college professor Ed Banfield.

The very next day, all of a sudden, the newspaper say I shoot my brother before he was born.

Manos arriba!

Something fishy here.

I stab my brother once or twice, but that’s it.  I think Ed Banfield behind this.

In fact, as architect of the “Broken Window” theory of police tactics, 80% of prisoners in America were put there by Ed Banfield.

It work like this:

  • Break a window……………one year in jail
  • Spit on the sidewalk……….two years
  • Don’t eat your vegetables…five years
  • Siphon gas with your lips…seven years
  • Call Bush a cabrón…..… without parole

This work pretty good.

No broken windows in my neighborhood, and all my friends in jail.

In the last 20 years, 700 new prisons built and the number of U.S. prisoners go up by 400%. Most of these (92%) are black and Latino.

Prisons are a $100 billion per year industry, and prison stock is trade on Wall Street.

In New York all the cows go on vacation.

So all the prisons are built upstate, to help the cow-less farmers.

Cows relax in the Hamptons

The farmers become “contractors” and sell toilet paper for $2, Playboy for $20, college degrees for $200.

The farmers do real good since each New York prisoner cost $58,000 a year…better than milking cows!

Everyone come out ahead – except for the prisoners who spat on the sidewalk and the taxpayers who have to pay for them.

Vote for Leo!

Because I have the solution to this.

Puerto Rican Guy.

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Puerto Rican Guy Shoots his Twin Brother

CAGUAS, P.R. – The Puerto Rican guy who is demanding change from everyone in America, fatally shot his twin brother with a .38-caliber revolver during an altercation in their shared Caguas womb.

Pursuant to Section 215 of the Patriot Act and Section 501 of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA), records were recently forwarded to the Pentagon, U. S. wire services, and the National Enquirer. Found in the basement of a Caguas, Puerto Rico police precinct, these records prove that the Puerto Rican guy was a pre-natal terrorist.

Sibling rivalry

According to police records, Ms. Maria Machuchal was awakened at 4 a.m. on September 10, 1938 by a scuffle in her uterus. She dismissed it as routine kicking, but 30 minutes later she heard three pistol shots.

Forensic x-rays revealed that the unborn gunman–identified as a five-inch fetus with no eyes or hair–shot his brother twice in what eventually would have become his heart.

After a tense four-hour standoff, the fetus threw out his weapon when police threatened to induce labor. Police spokesmen denied the use of tear gas, and a forced C-section was impossible, due to a power outage at Caguas Municipal Hospital.

The fetus was a member of the Puerto Rican Socialist Party, which later claimed credit for the power outage in the San Juan Star.

The scene of the crime

The mother was unharmed in the shooting. Two bullets lodged themselves in the twin brother. A third passed harmlessly through her birth canal and killed a rooster.

The fetus did not emerge from the crime scene, but a court-appointed lawyer said the fetus would surrender himself peacefully, upon post-partum separation from his mother.

“This whole tragic chain of events is hard to comprehend,” said Caguas mayor Simforoso Alicea. “Where did we as a community fail this unborn fetus? Could parents have done a better job of conceiving, carrying, and pre-natally educating it? And how did the fetus get access to firearms?”

According to Caguas police, the fetus used a revolver registered to his father. On advice of his attorney, Yonosay Nada, Esq., the fetus offered no comment on the shooting.

Due to his client’s fetal position, Nada invoked the law of habeus corpus and Section 69 of the Napoleonic Code. Upon remand to Casos Juveniles de Caguas, the case was adjourned in contemplation of dismissal.

This pre-natal terrorist is now demanding change from everyone in America.

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