Archive for February, 2009

blog-snl

 

The Viagra Club

 

 

The Puerto Rican Power Table convened last week at the Albany Crown Plaza Hotel.

The table dispenses $100 million per year to phony non-profit agencies, non-existent employees, Dominican cigar factories, and a mistress in Argentina.

The Puerto Rican power table

 

The table also hosts a popular, bipartisan, bi-annual Viagra Club.

Twenty politicians take 100 mg. of Viagra, and pick one intern’s name from a hat.

The one who seduces her that night, collects $10,000 from a lobbyist betting pool.

lm_-blog-_viagra

The Viagra Club comes to order

 

Unfortunately on Friday, February 27 three politicians claimed the same prize, and submitted videotape evidence which was quite convincing.

The lobbyists called the intern a whore, and the evening turned ugly.

 

Puerto Rican Guy. 

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Somos el Futuro

 

 

(Part V)

 

 

Somos el Futuro is a twice-a-year political conference.

Supposedly held to discuss legislation and government policy, it is actually an excuse to drink, snort and chase women.

There’s always a power table where all the big shots sit.

The Puerto Rican power table

I sat there a few times.

My list of dining companions was quite long…

So long, that I’m devoting this entire week to introduce them to you.

City Councilman Velez had a girlfriend, two uncles and eight cousins on the payroll.

Councilman Velez’s family prays for a raise

City Councilman Colón had family on the payroll, living in Argentina.

Councilman Colon’s staff   

County Leader Rivera didn’t live in the County.

He didn’t even live in the State of New York!

He got his son elected to the City Council, his daughter to the State Assembly, his wife owned Community Board 6…

And his mistress ran the Bronx Board of Elections.

Chief Clerk at the Board of Elections

But oh, there’s so much more.

Enough for a whole book!

Tune in tomorrow for a final taste of the power table.

Suffice to say, the conference should not be called Somos el Futuro.

It should be called Somos los Hijos de la Gran Puta.

Puerto Rican Guy. 

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Somos el Futuro

 

 

(Part IV)

 

Somos el Futuro is a twice-a-year political conference.

Supposedly held to discuss legislation and government policy, it is actually an excuse to drink, snort and chase women.

There’s always a power table where all the big shots sit.

The Puerto Rican power table

I sat there a few times.

My list of dining companions was quite long…

So long, that I’m devoting this entire week to introduce them to you.

City Councilman Ruiz did a year for bank fraud.

Councilman Ruiz makes a withdrawal

Assemblyman Rodriguez was selling coke from his district office.

Assemblyman Rodriguez reviews the state budget

Assemblyman Ramirez was selling judgeships.

Assemblyman Ramirez shakes hands

 

State Senator Gonzalez bought a cigar factory in Santo Domingo with state funds.

 

Senator Gonzalez’s tobacco plantation

 

But oh, there’s so much more.

Enough for a whole book!

Tune in tomorrow for another taste of the power table.

Suffice to say, the conference should not be called Somos el Futuro.

It should be called Somos los Hijos de la Gran Puta.

Puerto Rican Guy. 

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Somos el Futuro

 

 

(Part III)

 

Somos el Futuro is a twice-a-year political conference.

Supposedly held to discuss legislation and government policy, it is actually an excuse to drink, snort and chase women.

There’s always a power table where all the big shots sit.

The Puerto Rican power table

I sat there a few times.

My list of dining companions was quite long…

So long, that I’m devoting this entire week to introduce them to you.

Assemblyman Rivera shoveled a million into Neighborhood Enhancement Training Services (NETS), a bogus non-profit agency.

Entrance to NETS

State Senator Mendez stole several million through East Harlem Building for the Community.  

Entrance to East Harlem building for the Community

 

Assemblywoman Arroyo sucked millions in “management fees” from a Victory Charter School.

 

 

Entrance to Victory Charter School

 

Assemblyman Denny Farrell bought an Albany town house with his campaign funds.

 

 

Entrance to Farrell town house

 

But oh, there’s so much more.

Enough for a whole book!

Tune in tomorrow for another taste of the power table.

Suffice to say, the conference should not be called Somos el Futuro.

It should be called Somos los Hijos de la Gran Puta.

Puerto Rican Guy.

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Somos el Futuro

 

(Part II)

 

Somos el Futuro is a twice-a-year political conference.

Supposedly held to discuss legislation and government policy, it is actually an excuse to drink, snort and chase women.

There’s always a power table where all the big shots sit.

The Puerto Rican power table

I sat there a few times.

My list of dining companions was quite long…

So long, that I’m devoting this entire week to introduce them to you.

City Councilman Linares was taking bribes from Pathmark.

Congressman Serrano slipped two million to Casa Cultural Puertorriqueña, and it all disappeared.

The Congressman’s piggy bank

When reporters visited the alleged address of Casa Cultural, they couldn’t even find an entrance.

Where’s the casa?

State Senator Espada stole millions from the Soundview Health Center.

Where’s the Senator?

 

State Senator Santiago was doing the same, at the Brooklyn Manor Nursing Home.

Where’s the other Senator?

 

But oh, there’s so much more.

Enough for a whole book!

Tune in tomorrow for another taste of the power table.

Suffice to say, the conference should not be called Somos el Futuro.

It should be called Somos los Hijos de la Gran Puta.

Puerto Rican Guy. 

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