Archive for March, 2009


Puerto Rican Doubles


the World’s Food




The Puerto Rican spent four months in his mother’s basement.

He emerged with an enormous rabbit.

He now claims to have engineered a gene sequence, which will increase the size of any animal by at least 600%.


Rabbit grown in his mother’s basement


According to Dr. Chauncey Gardiner, Chairman of the World Health Organization, “this rabbit and its offspring will feed every child in Africa.”

The U. S. Department of Defense tested the rabbit formula on several  Atlantic Spotted Dolphins (Stenella Frontalis), and announced “a suspicious amount of growth.”





Scientific American reports that within five years, we may see giraffes as tall as the Statue of Liberty, blue whales larger than the Eiffel Tower, refrigerator-sized lobsters and 10,000 pound cows.

Time Magazine proclaimed the gene technology “an absolute revolution.”

The McCarthur Foundation issued an emergency genius grant.


In the meantime, the Puerto Rican is not allowed in his mother’s house.


Puerto Rican Guy.

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 The Staten Island Film




The Staten Island Film Festival is doing something spectacular this year…

They’re showing a movie about the Puerto Rican Guy!

Scott Gerber, a film festival genius, recognized the power of Leo Machuchal’s message.

Leo wins the CNN debate


As your Congressman, Leo will ensure that Puerto Rico is recognized as a world superpower with nuclear capability.


 Leo addresses the U.N.

He will require every public schoolchild to wear a little straw hat. 

He will demand a Puerto Rican hockey team. 

He will install new toilets in Central Park. 

He will fund a coast-to-coast chain of Homeless Depot stores, to supply the nation’s 2,374,596 homeless people with all of their street-lifestyle essentials. 

Senator Ruben Diaz, Senator Olga Mendez, and Mayor Mack M. Harder all endorse Leo. 


Every dog in the district endorses Leo. Here they are, campaigning against the opposition: 

And now they make a movie about Leo!

Here is the web site for the Staten Island Film Festival:


Here is the web site for Leo’s movie: 


Here is a biography of the writer/director: 


In the meantime, the Puerto Rican guy will keep campaigning.

He will never stop.

In June 2009 you will see the full Leo.

Just watch this TV news report…


Puerto Rican Guy.



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Puerto Rican Crashes


Boat, Walks Away


GRANADA, NICARAGUA – The Puerto Rican guy displayed poor sportsmanship in Central America this week.

During the yearly Sabado Gigante race in Lake Nicaragua, he demanded that the only beverage sold in all the concession stands, would be his own homemade coquito.

When the race organizers refused, he crashed his speed boat and walked away.

Puerto Rican storms out of the Sabado Gigante race



Puerto Rican Guy.

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The Origin of the





Chevere is a unique Puerto Rican word. Others use it, but we invented it.

Chevere means “cool” or “smooth” or “finger lickin’ good.”

Chevere is a harmonic balance of everything celestial, terrestrial, financial, marital and intestinal.

When you find a parking spot…that is chevere.

When you win the Lotto…that is chevere.

When your mother-in-law shuts up for two minutes…that is chevere.

But this is Puerto Rican Heritage Month…so I now bestow upon you, the origin of the word chevere.

It is actually quite simple.

Evaristo Ribera Chevremont (1896-1976) was the greatest poet in Puerto Rican history.



He was a master of Modernismo, Ultraismo and Suprarealismo.

He published his first book at age 18 and continued for over fifty years: nearly thirty volumes of unforgettable poetry.

He wrote in free verse, traditional forms and sonnets.

Chaos of Dreams was lyrical, universal and profound.

Romance Parade and Memories of Sand exploded with passion.

Sonnets to Galicia immortalized the land of his father.

Chevremont looked at sand, stars, trees, a coffee grain, in a unique and religious way.

The Dominican people salute their patron saint Porfirio Rubirosa, and his enormous penis.

Cubans are the best auto mechanics in the world.

But Puerto Ricans worship the word: its weight, its value, its mystery.

So when a Puerto Rican calls you chevere, make no mistake…

He has just embraced you.


Puerto Rican Guy.

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Puerto Rican


Telephone Etiquette


How many times have you received an annoying phone call?

Someone congratulating you, for winning a contest you never entered?

You won!


Or offering you a “free gift” that will cost you $19,999.99?



You won again!


The Puerto Rican guy feels your pain.

Now it’s time to give some pain back.

There is a Puerto Rican way to deal with those phone calls.

It will terrify the caller.

No one from their corporation will ever call you again.

As a service to my loyal readers, here is the Puerto Rican way to deal with a telemarketer:

Puerto Rican Guy.

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