Archive for August, 2009

 

 

Orlando Hispanic Film Festival: Vote For Me!

For Immediate Release 

Puerto Rican Guy Lands Jet

 

Liner on Disney Beach

 

On Friday September 18 (5 pm) and Sunday September 20 (5:30 pm) the Orlando Hispanic Film Festival will feature the hit film Vote For Me! 

It is a comedy about a 75-year old Puerto Rican guy who runs for U.S. Congress. 

But there is one problem: this Puerto Rican guy (aka Leo Machuchal) is actually running for mayor of Orlando, and will stop at nothing to promote his campaign. 

For the past week he has landed “party planes” in Orlando…filled with dancing girls, liquor and campaign balloons.

Leo lands on Disney Beach

Yesterday Leo went too far: landing a “party plane” on Disney Caribbean Beach that almost killed three surfers, and induced cardiac arrhythmia in 83-year old Minnie Moskovitz. 

An amateur video caught this “party plane” landing. 

Here it is.  Judge for yourself.

This is an outrage! 

We are shocked, shocked that someone would endanger the lives of others to promote their movie or political campaign.

 In the meantime, tickets are available at:

http://www.ohfilmfestival.com/press.html

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Orlando Hispanic Film Festival: Vote For Me!

For Immediate Release

Puerto Rican Guy Announces

 

Department of Rubble and Urban

 

Development

 

ORLANDO FILM FESTIVAL, FL — “Vote For Me!” yelled the Puerto Rican man. “Because we need to turn lemons into lemonade!”

Standing on a pile of rocks, on the front steps of actor Erik Estrada’s crumbling old house near Lake Buena Vista, the Puerto Rican declared himself a candidate for Mayor of Orlando.

He then demanded the creation of a new Cabinet-level federal bureaucracy, the Department of Rubble and Urban Development.

The Puerto Rican demands more rubble

“We need to manage our rubble!” he shouted. “Rubble is our most abundant resource, the fastest-growing sector of our economy.”

The Puerto Rican had a point.

With a deepening national recession and a 91% rise in Orlando home foreclosures over the past year alone, he declared that “action movies and rubble are America’s greatest exports.”

“We must respect the Black-Scholes equation, and create a path to capitalization on our vast and ever-increasing supply of rock fragments and crumbling masonry!”

Reporters were confused by the Spanish accent and MBA double-talk, but then he pointed over his shoulder and made sense.

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Erik Estrada’s house, before and after 2009 foreclosure

Erik Estrada, the renowned Buddhist, had defaulted on a sub-prime loan.

The aging movie actor had fallen victim to predatory lending practices and a receding hairline.

Rats, condoms and Cuban Chinese takeout were piled waist-high, all around the crumbling Estrada house.

The Puerto Rican was inspired by it.

“Look at this gorgeous rubble!” he shouted. “This is the new American frontier. We must accept the reality of rubble and our new rubble economy.”

“And as your next Mayor, I will take strong and immediate steps, to end our dependence on foreign rubble!”

As the crowd cheered, the Puerto Rican prayed for the people.

Then he prayed for more rubble.

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Praying for the people’s prosperity

On Friday September 18 (5 pm) and Sunday September 20 (5 pm), the Puerto Rican’s hit movie Vote For Me! will play in the Orlando Hispanic Film Festival. 

For tickets and information, see:   http://www.ohfilmfestival.com/

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Orlando Hispanic Film Festival

 

 Linked to 21 Bank Robberies

 

ORLANDO, FL – When the Orlando Hispanic Film Festival chose Vote For Me! for its 2009 program, they thought they were showing a hysterical film comedy. 

Instead, they landed in the middle of a police investigation involving 300 detectives, 21 bank robberies, 8 million dollars, and 12 Erik Estrada movies. 

It all revolves around one man: the star of Vote For Me! and candidate for Mayor of Orlando, known in Florida political circles as “the Puerto Rican Guy.”

The Orlando Connection

Throughout his political career, the Puerto Rican Guy (aka Leo Machuchal) has been a friend of Orlando. 

He bought drinks for Buddy Dyer. 

He taught Erik Estrada the tax benefits of Buddhism. 

He voted many times for Commissioner Tony Ortiz…in the same election. 

This loyalty may have come with a price. 

According to A. Brian Albritton, the U.S. Attorney for the Middle District of Florida, the Puerto Rican may have “a vested interest in our economy.” 

Albritton claims that over the past five years, the man amassed a fortune and financed his campaign for Mayor, by robbing 21 banks in Orlando.

The Motorcycle Bandit

On August 8, 2004 a man strolled into 1812 Sand Lake Road and stole $300,000 from the Washington Mutual Bank. 

Security cameras caught a figure on a Moto Guzzi motorcycle, tearing toward Wosceola Parkway on the I-4.  

The getaway 

Since that date the robber hit the McCoy Federal Credit Union, Bank of America, and eighteen other banks in a crime wave that netted eight million dollars and virtually no clues.   

Yesterday he robbed the Wachovia Offices on 10715 Narcoossee Road. 

Hardest hit was National City Bank, robbed six times in two weeks.   

The Orlando Sentinel dubbed him “the Motorcycle Bandit” and Orlando Police Chief Stephen Paragallo assigned one-quarter of his 1,200 detectives to catching him.   

“This bandit lives like a saint,” said Chief Paragallo. “We marked all the bills but he hasn’t spent one of them.” 

Asked how one man could fool 300 detectives, Chief Paragallo said “well, uh…the bandit  is a master of disguise. Much better than Lon Chaney. His favorite trick is to arrive as a celebrity, sign autographs, and then rob everybody.”

  

  

The many faces of the Motorcycle Bandit

The disguises worked well.  Police sketches were hazy. 

It is suspected that Nelson Jilipoyas, manager of the National City Bank, left the door open so he could get a second autograph from Charo.

The best police sketch

The Motorcycle Bandit is now a folk hero throughout Orlando, and theories abound why no one has arrested him. 

University of Central Florida sociologist Meyer Lansky calls him a “reverse role model, a modern-day Robin Hood, who unites and inspires us all.” 

Cab driver Sammy Glick says he is a big tipper. 

“What motorcycle?” said Glick. “He hailed my cab, robbed two banks and gave me 50 bucks. What a mensch!” 

Guy Finocchio, headmaster of the Erik Estrada Film School, said “the money went to P&A for twelve Erik Estradal films…but they all went straight-to-DVD. You’ll have to ask Erik.”

Good for the Economy

The most detailed analysis came from Moshe Bulbenik, financial writer for the Orlando Sentinel.   

According to Bulbenik, “ever since the robberies started in 2004, the Orlando sheqel has climbed to seven-year highs against the U.S. dollar, flirting with the psychological 25 US-cents level, or 4 sheqels per U.S. dollar.” 

“Also, the Tel-Aviv 100 Index hit an all-time high of 1,100 on August 21, more than tripling in value from five years ago.” 

“The bandit is good for business,” said Bulbenik. “Everyone loves him.”

When reached for commentary the Puerto Rican was campaigning in Atlantic City.

Standing at a slot machine, he yelled “Bandit! What are you talking about? This thing is robbing me!”  

Informed of the bandit’s sanguinary effects on the Orlando economy, the Puerto Rican announced his intention, as Mayor of Orlando, “to rob a few banks with Erik.”

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Orlando Hispanic Film Festival:

 

A Plot Against Buddy Dyer

 

ORLANDO, FL  - The Orlando Hispanic Film Festival stands accused of being a front organization for the Puerto Rican Guy (aka Leo Machuchal) in his ceaseless attempt to become Mayor of Orlando. 

For the past three months, Leo has driven back and forth over Orlando Interstate Four (I-4).

Puerto Ricans on the I-4

He has spoken longer than Fidel Castro at the University of Central Florida.

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No mas Yánquis!

According to local sources, the Orlando Hispanic Film Festival is even showing the movie Vote For Me! as part of a Democratic plot to replace Mayor Buddy Dyer with Leo Machuchal. 

The plot worked until last week…when elite police units raided El Pollo Diablo, an unlicensed club near the Orange County Convention Center. 

“I couldn’t believe it!” said Walter Mercado, Inspector General of the Orange County Cock Unit.

“On our usual Friday night raid of El Pollo Diablo, we kicked in the door and all hell broke loose!”

The cock unit seized nineteen members of the House of Representatives, twelve U.S. Senators, a Palm Beach Sheriff and fifty fighting cocks. 

“Twenty Mexicos jump out the basement window,” said Special Agent Shaniqua Lee.

“But then we turn around and see all them politicians!”

Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) and Congressmen Don Nickles (R-OK),  Dick Gephart (D-MO), and John Lewis (D-GA) minutes before their arrest.

According to police records, dozens of congressmen were jumping, screaming, throwing hundred dollar bills at each other, and drinking a potent Orlando concoction known as Dead Gringo Malt Liquor.

Within an hour, the cock unit arrested a large bipartisan coalition of legislative cockfighting enthusiasts.

Searching for pollo

The cock fights were a congressional fundraiser for Leo Muchuchal. 

Despite dozens of arrests, the Orlando Hispanic Film Festival is showing Machuchal’s movie Vote For Me! on September 18 (5 pm) and September 20 (5 pm). 

Tickets are available at  http://www.ohfilmfestival.com/

The Orlando District Attorney will be in attendance.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Orlando Hispanic Film Festival

 

Investigated by the FBI

 

When the Staten Island Film Festival invited the film Vote For Me! into its line-up, it was not aware of the political consequences.

James Schoepflin, a renowned film historian, knew it was a powerful work of art. 

But he thought it was a political comedy…a fiction film. 

He didn’t know it was a documentary about a strange genius, who is currently wanted by the Pentagon and the FBI.

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A strange genius

This man built a machine that is treating Puerto Rico like a pizza, by slicing the island in half.

A strange machine in Puerto Rico

He designed a quantum computer which can re-route all land, sea and air transportation over the entire planet. 

Last week three French airliners landed in Staten Island, on South and Midland Beach.  

Air Outre Mer (AOM) jet lands on South Beach

Most disturbing of all, this man has the ability to JOOB (Journey Out of Body) for extended periods of time.

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The film Vote For Me! is playing on Friday, September 18 (at 5 p.m.) and Sunday, September 20 (at 5 p.m.) in the Orlando Hispanic Film Festival. 

The public is welcome to see it, but there is no telling what may happen during the screening.               

Here is the web site for the Orlando Hispanic Film Festival:

                      http://www.ohfilmfestival.com/ 

Here is the web site for the movie: 

                      http://voteforme-themovie.com/ 

Here is a biography of the writer/director: 

                      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nelson_Antonio_Denis 

We salute James Schoepflin and the Orlando Hispanic Film Festival for their courage. 

On September 18 and 20, all hell will break loose inside that theater.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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