Archive for September, 2009

 

 

No One Will Fight Leo

 

Leo Machuchal has become the greatest boxer in the world. 

His training and nutrition methods are very secret…so secret that he has to change training camps every three days.

Leo’s secret training camp   (9/25/09)

Leo’s record is now 48-0 with 43 knockouts across eight different weight divisions. 

Last week he destroyed Vinnie Paz, aka “the Pazmanian Devil” in an HBO spectacular. 

Yesterday he flew to the Congo to fight Mandingo Jones…the last boxer in the world who was willing to fight Leo. 

Leo proudly wore the Puerto Rican flag on his fight trunks. 

In front of twenty thousand Congolese fight fans, Mandingo managed to land only one punch.

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The only punch from Mandingo

This punch infuriated Leo. 

He turned Mandingo into a bag of ketchup, and knocked him out in the fifth round. 

Leo remains undefeated…but for the moment, no one wants to fight Leo.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Leo Becomes a Contender

 

Leo Machuchal has become, pound for pound, the greatest boxer in the world. 

His training and nutrition methods are very secret, but he learned them from the Aborigines of Australia and the late, great Archie Moore.

Leo’s secret training camp

Leo’s record is already 47-0 with 42 knockouts across seven different weight divisions. 

Here is Leo in last week’s HBO pay-per-view spectacular with Vinnie Pazienza, aka Vinnie Paz, aka the Pazmanian Devil. 

Here is the only punch that Paz landed in the entire fight.

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The only punch from Paz

This punch infuriated Leo. 

He turned Paz into a bloody tomato can, and knocked him out in the fourth round. 

We will bring you more news of Leo’s boxing career…and you will see it here first… 

From the Puerto Rican Guy.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Leo Wins it for the

 

New York Yankees

 

Leo crushed the Boston Red Sox yesterday. 

He stole three bases and stole home plate. In fact, they’re still looking for it.

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Leo steals home plate and takes it home

He slammed two home runs, including one that landed on Walton Avenue.

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Leo belts one further than A Rod

In the end, Leo tipped his cap to a standing ovation

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 A modest hero

Thanks to Leo, the 2009 Yankees won the Eastern Division of the American League. 

We salute Leo Machuchal…our newest Yankee, and the greatest one of all.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Skaddenfreude

 

NEW YORK, NY – In preparation for his upcoming Congressional campaign, Leo Machuchal  (aka the Puerto Rican Guy) has unionized a new sector of the American economy: out-of-work lawyers. 

According to the Puerto Rican, four white-shoe law firms have monopolized 80% of all corporate transactional work, and over 90% of all corporate defense and white collar crime cases, for the past 60 years. 

“Ever since Harry Truman these guys are running the show!” he said, in his Harlem campaign headquarters. 

According to the Puerto Rican, the mastermind of this scheme is Wilfrid Robarts, a senior partner at Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom.

Wilfrid Robarts, Esq.

“Don’t let that wig fool you!” warned the Puerto Rican. “Robarts is a genius at corporate double-talk!” 

The Puerto Rican accused Robarts of having thirty Fortune 100 companies on personal retainer.  

He also claimed that, unbeknownst to the client, Skadden senior partners  have been litigating the same anti-trust case for the past 46 years.

Skadden Arps senior partners object for the 3,141,593rd time

Surrounded by forty out-of-work lawyers, the Puerto Rican accused Robarts and “you know who,” of turning the legal profession into a white slave racket. 

“Of the 1.2 million lawyers in America, 10 percent of them are in New York…and all of them are desperate for work.” said the Puerto Rican. 

“My uncle drowned in his bathtub last week, and three lawyers showed up at the funeral.” 

Reminded that Mahatma Gandhi was a personal injury attorney in Bombay, the Puerto Rican said that “he showed up at the funeral too.”

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Attorney Gandhi

Regardless of Gandhi’s whereabouts, the managing editor of American Lawyer Magazine, Remy Gazcous, estimates that “$20 billion worth of legal document review is outsourced to India every year. Mostly by Skadden Arps.” 

The Puerto Rican offered few particulars about his new union other than its name – the Unemployed Lawyers of America – and a membership in excess of 200,000.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Puerto Rican Guy Brings Homeless

Depot to Orlando

 

ORLANDO, FL – Last week the Orlando Hispanic Film Festival featured the hit film Vote For Me! 

It is the story of Leo Machuchal, a 75-year old Puerto Rican guy who runs for public office. 

But Leo is not just a pretty face. 

As his gift to Orlando, he just opened a Homeless Depot at the Florida Mall at 8001 S. Orange Blossom Trail.

Within six years and prior to the collapse of our Social Security system, the Puerto Rican will build twelve more Homeless Depots in Orlando.

According to Radio Bemba, he will also build a coast-to-coast chain of Homeless Depot stores, to supply the nation’s 2,374,596 homeless people with all of their street-lifestyle essentials.

Early bird shoppers visit the new Homeless Depot

The Puerto Rican guaranteed that soiled clothing, People magazines, and Dippity-Do hairstyling gel will always be on sale.

 

The liquor department will offer 40 types of fortified wine, 30 different malt beverages, and Old Thompson Whiskey.

“But most of all,” he said, “because of this sub-prime mortgage mess, every Homeless Depot will sell top-of-the-line, Kenmore 25.5 cubic foot double-door refrigerator boxes, only $3.99 each.”

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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