Archive for January, 2010

 

The Drink for Valentine’s Day (Part II)

 

Yesterday, Leo shared his recipe for a Valentine Day’s drink. Within 12 hours, we received hundreds of testimonials to the power of this drink. The most convincing were a pair of photos from Orville and Minnie Castevet, married for 53 years in the Ozark Mountains. 

Here are Orville and Minnie, before Leo’s drink:

Here they are after Leo’s drink:

Leo’s drink is very powerful, so please consult your physician and always…above all… 

Drink responsibly.

Puerto Rican Guy

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The Drink for Valentine’s Day

 

Leo Machuchal has developed the bajapanties drink. 

For the uninitiated, bajapanties is anything (a song, a sonnet, a BMW sports coupe) that spontaneously, through some magic realism, removes the panties from an attractive female and places her in a supine, expectant posture. 

Leo now shares his secret with you. 

1 can Coco Lopez

3 cans Carnation evaporated milk

3 egg whites

1 egg yolk

1 teaspoon vanilla

½ teaspoon cinnamon powder

1 quart Rum 151 

This may seem like the recipe for Leo’s coquito…but no, it is much more. 

This is the recipe for L-O-V-E. 

The effect of this drink is immediate and irreversible, so you must drink it indoors and preferably in your bedroom. Here is a photograph of Leo and his girlfriend, after one cup of this drink last week:

Please drink responsibly.

Puerto Rican Guy

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Leo Supports Francisco Spies

 

CAGUAS, PR –  Now that people don’t believe in President Obama anymore, they are holding huge rallies for Leo Machuchal. 

“Run, Leo!” they all scream. At which point Leo starts running like a madman, since the Caguas Police Department has two warrants for his arrest. 

Leo has been arrested six times in the last two weeks.

Arrest #6

To avoid further arrest, Leo no longer shows up at political rallies. He just sends a 20-foot banner and everyone screams around it.

Leo’s campaign banner

Just yesterday, Leo endorsed Francisco Spies. We do not know what Mr. Spies is running for yet. 

Leo doesn’t know either, but Spies’ poster impressed Leo a great deal.

At some future date, Leo wants you to vote for Francisco Spies, over and over again. 

We’ll let you know when.

Puerto Rican Guy

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Leo Sacrifices Himself for Science

 

ROCHESTER, MINN.  –  In his never-ending mission to expand the borders of human knowledge, Leo Machuchal has donated his body to science. 

He is currently at the Mayo Clinic, where scientists have turned him into an asexual paramecium.

The leader of the project, Dr. Helmut Matheke, claims that “the Leo genome will accelerate our homopolar energy production by at least five years.”

Dr. Helmut Matheke and his homopolar generator

Though homopolar energy is still illegal in 43 states, and forbidden by the Catholic Church, we are proud that Leo is making it all possible. 

He is the first Puerto Rican paramecium, and a profile in courage.

Puerto Rican Guy

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Leo Arrested in Cuba

 

HAVANA, CUBA – Leo Machuchal is in trouble with Fidel Castro. 

He performed a Celia Cruz imitation in Havana, and offended Fidel’s

deep Christian beliefs.

Azucar!

By the time Leo finished singing Bamboleo, Fidel had sentenced him to three years.

Lee tried to escape by swimming to Miami.

…but he disappeared somewhere in the Caribbean. 

Please notify us if you’ve seen him.

Puerto Rican Guy

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