Posts Tagged “Bank”

 

Dog Day Afternoon (Part 2)

 

MIAMI, FL  – El Nico the bank robber has captured the imagination of Hollywood. Producer Martin Bregman negotiated personally with El Nico, who agreed to play himself in a re-make of Dog Day Afternoon.

According to the Hollywood Reporter “El Nico is no amateur. He negotiated for an upfront fee; a first dollar 20% gross deal to a breakeven of $50 million; performance bumps to $200 million; worldwide Xbox 720, DVD, sound track and merchandising rights; and other stuff we can’t understand.”

Puerto Rican Guy

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The Oreo Bank Robber

 

DETRIOT, MICH.  – For two months, a white bank robber fooled Detroit cops with a Hollywood special effects mask that disguised him as a black man.

Police claim Conrad Zdzierak, 30, used the £450 silicon mask in an audacious string of six bank robberies. Five of the raids took place on the same day, April 9.

Cops in Detroit and Flint, Michigan released CCTV footage from the banks believing they were searching for an African-American male. But after a tip-off, officers found Zdzierak staying at a nearby hotel.

The black mask

The interior of his Volvo was splattered in red dye from an exploding ink pack taken from a bank during one of the hauls, police said. Officers also discovered the sophisticated mask Zdzierak is suspected of using in the robberies.

Lieutenant Michael Mathis admitted police were fooled by the disguise and said he had never seen anything like it.

According to Mathis, “the suspect in the surveillance photographs was an African-American male…but he was actually a white male wearing an elaborate disguise.”

Zdzierak has been charged with the six robberies and is being held on a $3 million bond.

Puerto Rican Guy

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Omertà at the Federal Reserve

 

MIAMI, FL – Leo Machuchal is trapped inside a Federal Reserve Bank in Dade County, Florida. 

They have frozen his lips, so that he cannot speak or start a Tea Party. 

It all started innocently enough when Leo printed up the Taíno three-dollar bill, as part of Puerto Rican History month.

Leo didn’t know this was a capital crime of the highest order. 

They accused him of being a G-2 Cuban spy, and he had to wear a disguise to buy his groceries.

Leo refuses to buy pork products

The Treasury Department caught Leo. 

They are holding him against his will at the Federal Reserve Bank of Miami, at 9100 Northwest 36th Street. 

They even built a special cryogenic chamber, to freeze his mouth for a few weeks.

How they chill out Leo

We urge you to storm the Miami Federal Reserve Bank, take all their money, and save Leo from the evil clutches of the international bankers. 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Mal Occhio at the Federal Reserve

 

MIAMI, FL - Leo Machuchal is trapped inside a Federal Reserve Bank in Dade County, Florida. 

It all started innocently enough, when Leo printed up a few bills for his personal use.

Leo didn’t know this was a capital crime of the highest order. 

Pretty soon he was accused of being a G-2 Cuban spy, and had to wear a disguise in order to buy his groceries.

Leo shops at 7-Eleven

The Treasury Department caught Leo. 

They are holding him against his will at the Federal Reserve Bank of Miami, at 9100 Northwest 36th Street. 

They even set up a special mal occhio security system, to monitor Leo’s every move.

Mal occhio at the Federal Reserve

We urge you to storm the Miami Federal Reserve Bank, take all their money, and save Leo from the evil clutches of the international bankers.      

Puerto Rican Guy

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Chubby Cheeks Financial Disclosure Statement

 

NEW YORK, NY  -  In the Washington Heights section of New York City, a man named Chubby Cheeks is rapidly becoming a legend. 

He has developed an extraordinary skill, which has turned him into a hero. 

Here is Chubby Cheeks displaying his talent…     

LM_BLOG_CHUBBY_CHEEKS

Mr. Cheeks considers himself a role model for our urban youth.

That’s why he’s running for U.S. Congress, against Cong. Charles Rangel.

“We are fed up with lying politicians!” said Cheeks, after holding up the Bank of America on 171st street and Broadway. 

“I am going to restore honesty and integrity to our political system!” 

To prove this honesty, he created a questionnaire for Congressman Rangel, and any one else who wants your vote. 

Chubby Cheeks answered all the questions, and passed with flying colors. 

The Puerto Rican Guy is going to vote for him. 

Here are Mr. Cheeks’ questions:

Chubby Cheeks Financial Disclosure Statement

  1. Who gave you that ring?
  2.  How many bank accounts you got?
  3.  How many are in a foreign country?
  4.  How many in the Cayman Islands?
  5.  Do you have foreign or domestic household help?
  6.  Do you pay taxes for your domestic help?
  7.  Can you account for every penny you ever made?
  8.  When is the last time you did an honest day’s work? (exact date)
  9.  If a wiretap were placed in your phone, could you explain every   call without getting arrested?  

10. Have you started any wars on behalf of Halliburton recently?

11. How many of your brothers did you bail out during the Savings &  

      Loan scandal?

12. How many lobbyists own a piece of you?

13. How many book deals are you planning?

14. How many paid speeches will you give in Dubai?

15. How many children’s books will your wife peddle on amazon.com?

16. How many times have you benefited from insider information?

17. How many times will you invest in defense stocks, then declare  an orange alert? 

18. How many times will you undermine the U.S. Constitution in order to fatten your wallet? 

19. How many Mexicans have you taken advantage of?

20. Why is your limo driver running away?

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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