Posts Tagged “bus”

 

 Leo on the Campaign Trail

 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NYC  – Leo Machuchal is back on the campaign trail in Washington Heights.

He can be seen everywhere in his little bus, yelling “vote for Leo!”

But Leo respects our privacy, and hates to intrude on it. For this reason his first bill will be the requirement of individual cell phone booths for everyone who uses a cell phone.

Leo talks on the subway

The voters don’t know what to make of it. 

But they sure love talking.

Puerto Rican Guy

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Mañana, Mañana

 

Leo Machuchal’s campaign continues to struggle with time.

Yesterday they showed up to what they thought was the Puerto Rican Day Parade.

Instead, they found an empty street.

The parade was very successful, but it had ended five days before. 

And so Leo got back on his little bus, and went home.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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The Leo Bus

 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NYC.  – Assemblyman Adriano Espaillat has filed charges against the campaign of Leo Machuchal.

“He’s character-assassinating me with his bus!” charged Espaillat, at an angry press conference in Harlem.

“He’s running up and down Broadway with this little bus, saying nasty things about me to everyone!”

Espaillat complains about Leo’s bus

Leo doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about. “I have a bus and I’m campaigning in it. So what’s the problem?”

According to Espaillat, the Leo bus is mentioning certain er . . . irregularities . . . with the state monies that have been spent in Leo’s district. “Lies! It’s all lies!” said Espaillat in Harlem. 

Leo does not get into that. He just keeps campaigning in his little old bus.

The Leo Bus

According to Leo, “when Espaillat stops lying about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about him.”

Puerto Rican Guy

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 Election Fraud Primer

 

New York State Assemblyman Adriano Espaillat has perfected the art of campaign fraud. In an effort to give back to his community, he contacted the Puerto Rican Guy and shared some of his basic techniques. 

We didn’t know Espaillat was this cynical, but here are his tips: 

Boil the Reporter.

Protest the abuse of seniors at a corrupt Senior Center during a telecast of Betty La Fea.

The seniors will throw boiling water out the window, which will scald the reporter.

Instant news. 

Strangled by the Femme Fatale.

Accuse the incumbent of womanizing – loudly, through a bullhorn, and in front of his district office.

The incumbent’s mistress will storm out of her no-show job and strangle you.

Instant news. 

Vote for aarrrgg

Election Day Lockout.

The night before the election, put Krazy Glue in all your locks.

A few hours later call the ACLU, the Justice Department and the press, to denounce these violations of the Voting Rights Act. 

Trick or Treat.

On Halloween in big cities, the big kids mug everyone at sunset.

So stick $5 in your pocket, get mugged, call the cops, and watch them arrest half the neighborhood.

The next day you’re in heavy rotation on New York 1. 

Bus Blowout.

Punch holes in the tires of your campaign bus, during rush hour in a downtown intersection.

When the cops and media arrive, blame your opponent.

The Muslims did it!

Pee on Your Posters.

Get your volunteers drunk, then have them urinate on all your posters.

When every dog in the district starts peeing on your posters, blame your opponent.

    

Summertime, and the Living is Easy

Fire your Volunteers

Who needs them anyway?

All they do is get drunk, and pee on your posters.

Just kick them out of your office and campaign by yourself.

Get Stabbed Defending Your Posters

This one is self-explanatory.

Puerto Rican Guy

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