Posts Tagged “County”


El Pelo de Nico


MIAMI, FL  – A clue has finally turned up in the manhunt for El Nico, who has robbed eleven banks in three weeks in the Palm Beach area of Miami, Florida.

According to Pedro Paramo, Chief of Detectives for Miami Dade County, “the man loves only two things. Money and his hair.”

Sources have told Paramo that El Nico gets his hair done, on the morning of every robbery. “We interviewed every beautician in Palm Beach,” said Paramo, “and we have a few leads.”

El Nico and his hair

Miami Dade police refused to release any further information.

Puerto Rican Guy

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Somos el Futuro (Part V)



Somos el Futuro is a twice-a-year political conference. 

Supposedly held to discuss legislation and government policy, it is actually an excuse to drink, snort and chase women. 

There’s always a power table where all the big shots sit.

The Puerto Rican power table

I sat there a few times. 

My list of dining companions was quite long… 

So long, that I’m devoting this entire week to introduce them to you. 

City Councilman Velez had a girlfriend, two uncles and eight cousins on the payroll.

Councilman Velez’s family prays for a raise

City Councilman Colón had family on the payroll, living in Argentina.

Councilman Colon’s staff  

County Leader Rivera didn’t live in the County. 

He didn’t even live in the State of New York! 

He got his son elected to the City Council, his daughter to the State Assembly, his wife owned Community Board 6… 

And his mistress ran the Bronx Board of Elections.

Chief Clerk at the Board of Elections

But oh, there’s so much more.

Enough for a whole book!

Tune in tomorrow for a final taste of the power table.

Suffice to say, the conference should not be called Somos el Futuro.

It should be called Somos los Hijos de la Gran Puta.

Puerto Rican Guy

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