Posts Tagged “day”

 

El Nico is Al Pacino

 

LOS ANGELES, CA  – In a stunning development, producers of the re-make of Dog Day Afternoon today announced that El Nico will not play himself.

He will play the part of Al Pacino, and will scream “Attica!” if police try to arrest him.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Dog Day Afternoon (Part 2)

 

MIAMI, FL  – El Nico the bank robber has captured the imagination of Hollywood. Producer Martin Bregman negotiated personally with El Nico, who agreed to play himself in a re-make of Dog Day Afternoon.

According to the Hollywood Reporter “El Nico is no amateur. He negotiated for an upfront fee; a first dollar 20% gross deal to a breakeven of $50 million; performance bumps to $200 million; worldwide Xbox 720, DVD, sound track and merchandising rights; and other stuff we can’t understand.”

Puerto Rican Guy

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El Chupamono de Washington Heights

 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NY  – A revolutionary new politics is emerging in uptown Manhattan.

To avoid the anti-incumbent fever that is sweeping America, incumbents have started to dress up in circus costumes.

In front of his office at 210 Sherman Avenue, Assemblyman Adriano Espaillat entertained the voters with his merengue version of Brother Can You Spare a Dime?

But as usual, the monkey stole the show.

Guillermo Linares in his little monkey suit, with his little tin cup, collected over $5,438,927 in tax dollars and became the landlord of eight buildings.

Not bad for a day’s work!

Puerto Rican Guy

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Mañana, Mañana

 

Leo Machuchal’s campaign continues to struggle with time.

Yesterday they showed up to what they thought was the Puerto Rican Day Parade.

Instead, they found an empty street.

The parade was very successful, but it had ended five days before. 

And so Leo got back on his little bus, and went home.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Political Petitions in Washington Heights

 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NYC  –  After one day of circulating their petitions, the political campaigns have turned ugly in Washington Heights.

Former City Councilman Guillermo Linares has recruited a group of zombies to collect his petition signatures, and they are causing property damage in the Marble Hill Houses.

Linares worker asks a Democrat for a signature

According to Leo Machuchal, Section 8 of the Voting Rights Act “specifically prohibits the hiring of zombies north of 96th street.” 

For this reason, Machuchal is demanding federal marshals to monitor all election activity in upper Manhattan. 

“I can handle it when dead people vote,” said Machuchal. 

“But here in Washington Heights we kill them three, four or five times…and they still vote.”

Puerto Rican Guy

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