Posts Tagged “Hollywood”


Dog Day Afternoon (Part 2)


MIAMI, FL  – El Nico the bank robber has captured the imagination of Hollywood. Producer Martin Bregman negotiated personally with El Nico, who agreed to play himself in a re-make of Dog Day Afternoon.

According to the Hollywood Reporter “El Nico is no amateur. He negotiated for an upfront fee; a first dollar 20% gross deal to a breakeven of $50 million; performance bumps to $200 million; worldwide Xbox 720, DVD, sound track and merchandising rights; and other stuff we can’t understand.”

Puerto Rican Guy

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The Oreo Bank Robber


DETRIOT, MICH.  – For two months, a white bank robber fooled Detroit cops with a Hollywood special effects mask that disguised him as a black man.

Police claim Conrad Zdzierak, 30, used the £450 silicon mask in an audacious string of six bank robberies. Five of the raids took place on the same day, April 9.

Cops in Detroit and Flint, Michigan released CCTV footage from the banks believing they were searching for an African-American male. But after a tip-off, officers found Zdzierak staying at a nearby hotel.

The black mask

The interior of his Volvo was splattered in red dye from an exploding ink pack taken from a bank during one of the hauls, police said. Officers also discovered the sophisticated mask Zdzierak is suspected of using in the robberies.

Lieutenant Michael Mathis admitted police were fooled by the disguise and said he had never seen anything like it.

According to Mathis, “the suspect in the surveillance photographs was an African-American male…but he was actually a white male wearing an elaborate disguise.”

Zdzierak has been charged with the six robberies and is being held on a $3 million bond.

Puerto Rican Guy

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Leo Goes to the Dark Side


HOLLYWOOD, CA – Just when you think you’re out…they drag you back in. 

Leo Machuchal is tired of playing vapid action stars and useless teenage vampires. 

But Hollywood will not leave Leo alone. The producers of Twilight have forced him to a three-picture commitment. 

Leo will kill Edward and take over his role.

Leo is an artist, and should not be forced to take these blood-sucking roles.                                                      

We’re sure he didn’t do it for the money. 

Oh no. 

Leo would never do that.  

Puerto Rican Guy

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To Be or Not To Be


PONCE, PR – Leo Machuchal is not satisfied with Hollywood stardom. 

The critics and movie studios agree that he is more popular than Will Smith, but this is not enough for Leo.


On January 6, 2010, Leo will appear in the Ponce Repertory Theatre production of Hamlet. 

Preview performances are all sold out, and critics are hailing it as “the greatest Hamlet in theatre history…more powerful than Laurence Olivier.”


We always knew that Leo is a world class actor. 

He is much too talented for politics, and a better liar than all of them.


Puerto Rican Guy

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JOHANNESBURG, S.A. – Leo Machuchal has reclaimed his position as the number one movie star in America. 

Critics are raving over his work in Clint Eastwood’s Invictus and an Academy Award nomination is already guaranteed.


So powerful is Leo’s performance, that Time Magazine named him the 2009 Man of the Year.


Congratulations to Leo…the greatest actor in Hollywood. 


Puerto Rican Guy

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