Posts Tagged “Money”

 

El Pelo de Nico

 

MIAMI, FL  – A clue has finally turned up in the manhunt for El Nico, who has robbed eleven banks in three weeks in the Palm Beach area of Miami, Florida.

According to Pedro Paramo, Chief of Detectives for Miami Dade County, “the man loves only two things. Money and his hair.”

Sources have told Paramo that El Nico gets his hair done, on the morning of every robbery. “We interviewed every beautician in Palm Beach,” said Paramo, “and we have a few leads.”

El Nico and his hair

Miami Dade police refused to release any further information.

Puerto Rican Guy

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The Coquito Candidate

 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS,  NY  – Leo Machuchal is running for office again. In a packed press conference, Leo announced his candidacy for the New York State Assembly in Washington Heights.

Leo is not sure of his platform yet. “Someone is stealing a lot of money around here,” he told reporters, “and I’m going to find out who.”

Leo announces his campaign

The counter-accusations have already begun.

Leo owns La Casita de Chema, a very popular bar that just happens to be in the district.  His coquito and guava schnapps are famous throughout Inwood and Marble Hill.  “He’s buying votes with his coquito!” shouted Assemblyman Adriano Espaillat at a local community forum. “I demand an investigation!”

Leo dispenses advice and coquito

The Assemblyman also charged that Leo does not care about government. “It’s all a trick,” said Espaillat. “He’s only running to promote his book about coquito.”

Espaillat may have a point. The Coquito Dictionary was published in 2000 and is currently undergoing a reprint. Copies are on sale at Barnes & Noble, Borders Bookstores, Waldenbooks, Walmart, Home Depot, and of course this web site.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Washington Heights Report

 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NY  – A new study compiled by Leo Machuchal reveals that the economy of Washington Heights is in trouble. According to this study, all the money from city, state and federal government programs is missing.

The money is missing

Missing?

“That’s the only word for it,” said Leo as a packed press conference. “I tracked down every government dollar from 2000 until 2010, and every dollar is missing.”

According to Leo, three men are responsible for the theft of $2.7 billion dollars over a ten-year period. 

One of them is serving time in a federal penitentiary and, according to law enforcement sources, the other two will soon be under indictment.

  

The three amigos

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Leo’s Income Tax Tips Part X

 

Leo Machuchal doesn’t want you to pay any income taxes.

He hasn’t paid the IRS, or been audited by them, since 1972.

Leo has many sophisticated and powerful techniques…but one technique is the most fun of all.

Just become a kept man.

Leo did it in 1980, 1999, and 2005. 

Each time he lost weight, saved money, and was interviewed by several women’s magazines. 

Inspired by Leo’s technique, Ricky Martin wrote  Livin’ la Vida Loca.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Leo Leads an Income Tax Revolt

 

MIAMI, FL – Leo Machuchal has started a revolution in Florida. 

At a rally in Miami’s Calle Ocho district, Leo and 20,000 Cubans burned their IRS 1040’s on Friday, April 2.

As President of the Guardians of the Free Republics, Leo sent letters to 30 U.S. Governors, threatening to forcibly remove them from office.

The FBI is investigating Leo, but he does not care.

Leo threatens to personally remove every Governor in the U.S.

“Do not send the IRS your money!” yelled Leo. “Do not pay any income tax!” 

According to Leo, until all income taxes are eliminated, every Governor in the U.S. – all 50 of them – are violating our constitutional rights and should go to jail.

Puerto Rican Guy

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