Posts Tagged “Palm Beach”

 

El Pelo de Nico

 

MIAMI, FL  – A clue has finally turned up in the manhunt for El Nico, who has robbed eleven banks in three weeks in the Palm Beach area of Miami, Florida.

According to Pedro Paramo, Chief of Detectives for Miami Dade County, “the man loves only two things. Money and his hair.”

Sources have told Paramo that El Nico gets his hair done, on the morning of every robbery. “We interviewed every beautician in Palm Beach,” said Paramo, “and we have a few leads.”

El Nico and his hair

Miami Dade police refused to release any further information.

Puerto Rican Guy

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Leo’s Income Tax Tips Part VIII

 

WILLIAMSBURG, BROOKLYN – Leo Machuchal does not want you to pay any income taxes. He does not believe in them.

Leo has not given one cent to the IRS since 1972, and he has never had a problem.

Here is one of Leo’s most powerful tax techniques, and it is totally legal.

That’s right: grow a beard, wear a bowler hat and become a rabbi. 

As a tax-exempt man of religion, you can also sell diamonds on 47th Street without paying a dime in taxes…to the Internal Revenue Service or anyone. 

On and off, Leo has been a rabbi for 27 years and owns 3 synagogues in Palm Beach. If you’re Puerto Rican, he’d love to have you for a neighbor.

Puerto Rican Guy

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Joe Stack Copycat

 

PALM BEACH, FL – A shocking copycat re-creation of Joe Stack’s suicide flight into a Texas IRS office, has occurred in downtown Palm Beach.

Leo Machuchal flew his single-engine Cessna into a Burger King that served him an old Whopper.

Leo drops in on Burger King

Mr. Machuchal is now at large, somewhere in Calle Ocho.

Puerto Rican Guy

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Orlando Hispanic Film Festival:

 

A Plot Against Buddy Dyer

 

ORLANDO, FL  - The Orlando Hispanic Film Festival stands accused of being a front organization for the Puerto Rican Guy (aka Leo Machuchal) in his ceaseless attempt to become Mayor of Orlando. 

For the past three months, Leo has driven back and forth over Orlando Interstate Four (I-4).

Puerto Ricans on the I-4

He has spoken longer than Fidel Castro at the University of Central Florida.

lm_blog_fidel

No mas Yánquis!

According to local sources, the Orlando Hispanic Film Festival is even showing the movie Vote For Me! as part of a Democratic plot to replace Mayor Buddy Dyer with Leo Machuchal. 

The plot worked until last week…when elite police units raided El Pollo Diablo, an unlicensed club near the Orange County Convention Center. 

“I couldn’t believe it!” said Walter Mercado, Inspector General of the Orange County Cock Unit.

“On our usual Friday night raid of El Pollo Diablo, we kicked in the door and all hell broke loose!”

The cock unit seized nineteen members of the House of Representatives, twelve U.S. Senators, a Palm Beach Sheriff and fifty fighting cocks. 

“Twenty Mexicos jump out the basement window,” said Special Agent Shaniqua Lee.

“But then we turn around and see all them politicians!”

Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) and Congressmen Don Nickles (R-OK),  Dick Gephart (D-MO), and John Lewis (D-GA) minutes before their arrest.

According to police records, dozens of congressmen were jumping, screaming, throwing hundred dollar bills at each other, and drinking a potent Orlando concoction known as Dead Gringo Malt Liquor.

Within an hour, the cock unit arrested a large bipartisan coalition of legislative cockfighting enthusiasts.

Searching for pollo

The cock fights were a congressional fundraiser for Leo Muchuchal. 

Despite dozens of arrests, the Orlando Hispanic Film Festival is showing Machuchal’s movie Vote For Me! on September 18 (5 pm) and September 20 (5 pm). 

Tickets are available at  http://www.ohfilmfestival.com/

The Orlando District Attorney will be in attendance.

 

Puerto Rican Guy

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Puerto Rican Guy

 

Arrested in San Juan

 

The Puerto Rican guy was arrested again this weekend.  

On Friday October 31 he incited a riot in San Juan, by declaring the independence of Puerto Rico “effective immediately.”

Puerto Ricans celebrate their independence

According to the New York Post, the Puerto Rican “poses a terrorist threat greater than Barack Obama.”

The charge is vehemently denied by King Papo, head of the Almighty Latin King and Queen Nation

Papo smells a rat

“Me and Leo was chasin’ shorties that night, said King Papo. “They arrested him in New York. Esa vaina in San Juan was made up by Rupert Murdoch!”  

Honeymooning in Denmark with his fourth wife, Mr. Murdoch was unavailable for comment.   

According to social historian Perez Hilton, “Rupert is too old for that woman. He’s too old for any woman.”

Perez smells a rat

A writ of habeus corpus was filed by Harvard Law Professor Pedro Paramo, arguing that “something is rotten in Denmark…but it’s under your fridge!”

Pedro smells a rat

The Puerto Rican will be released on Monday November 3, the day before the U.S. presidential election.
 
The electoral effect of Murdoch’s honeymoon particularly in Ohio, Virginia and Palm Beach remains to be seen.

Rupert avenges his pre-nup

 

Puerto Rican Guy.

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