Posts Tagged “phone”

 

 Leo on the Campaign Trail

 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NYC  – Leo Machuchal is back on the campaign trail in Washington Heights.

He can be seen everywhere in his little bus, yelling “vote for Leo!”

But Leo respects our privacy, and hates to intrude on it. For this reason his first bill will be the requirement of individual cell phone booths for everyone who uses a cell phone.

Leo talks on the subway

The voters don’t know what to make of it. 

But they sure love talking.

Puerto Rican Guy

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El Nico Makes a Withdrawal

 

MIAMI, FL  – A one-man crime wave is sweeping through Dade County.

A South American terrorist known as El Nico has hit seven banks in three weeks, robbing a total of 4 million dollars.             

His modus operandi is very simple.

He walks up to the branch manager and tells him to call his wife.

“Tell her you’ll be late for supper tonight, because I’m going to shoot your balls off.”

After the phone call, the branch manager is in a very cooperative mood.

The branch manager calls his wife

No further information is available about El Nico, and the Miami Dade police are unable to keep up with his Suzuki Hayabusa GSXR 1300.

El Nico makes his getaway

If you have any tips about the whereabouts of El Nico, or why he is robbing all these banks, please feel free to contact us.

Puerto Rican Guy

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The One-Minute Manager

 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NYC – Leo Machuchal believes in leading by example.

Now that his campaign for State Assembly is underway, Leo noticed that everyone is always late…

Late to collect petition signatures.

Late to donate money.

Late to distribute fliers.

Late to every meeting.

Even Leo’s campaign manager is late…he forgot to pay his phone bill, until the phone company turned off his phone.

And so, in order to lead by example, Leo ate his watch.

Every time Leo goes to the bathroom, a ticking sound emits from his anus. 

Through this supreme sacrifice, Leo hopes that his campaign will start to run on time. 

Puerto Rican Guy

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The Leo Platform (Part 2)

 

NEW YORK CITY, NY – Leo Machuchal continues with a revolutionary platform for Washington Heights.

To combat noise pollution, Leo says that everyone should wear a cell phone booth.

But that’s not all. Here is the rest of Leo’s anti-noise program:

  1. If your radio can be heard from 25 feet away, you get a $25 fine.

A probable $25 fine

2.    If your dog barks for over 5 minutes, you get a $50 fine.

3.    If you cause any sort of ruckus or disturbance, $100 fine.

A $100 fine for each disturbing singer

Leo will enact all these fines into New York State law, on the first day that he takes office. 

“Why wait?” said Leo.

Puerto Rican Guy

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The Leo Platform (Part 1)

 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS  – Leo Machuchal promised a revolutionary platform for Washington Heights, and here it is. Today is the first day of Leo’s platform.

“There’s too much noise, and no one has the courage to anything about it,” said Leo, at the Washington Heights Democratic Club. “But that’s going to change right now.”

According to Leo, his first law will require that every cell phone user either:

a)    stop using it in public

b)   put a bag over their head, or

c)    wear a cell phone booth.

The cell phone booth

The cell phone booths will be sold and/or licensed exclusively through New York State and its various public utilities.

With 11 million cell phone users in New York State, Leo estimates over $2 billion in added revenue to New York State, every year, for the next 15 years.

Puerto Rican Guy

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